Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
