You just made me feel so damn special
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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