drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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