I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
