I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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