pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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