I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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