He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
