sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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