Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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