yo everyone went to the hospital last night
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
