I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
