It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
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i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
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I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The power of my boobs compel you
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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