I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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