u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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