Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
