highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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