I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
