don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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