It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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