what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
