big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
