i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
