I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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