Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
