My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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