if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
