Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
