Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Quick, to the slutcave!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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