last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
