NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
