Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you never un-have a 4some
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
