I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
