Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
