the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
