just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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