Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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