that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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