Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
