so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
