I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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