no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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