It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
