she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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