I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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