I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
