dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if only i could text you this smell
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
