The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
