I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
sex in a hospital.. check
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
