Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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