at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
