This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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