I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
