I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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