I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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