When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
as a side note pls kill me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
