dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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