I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
