you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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