She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
