Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
