you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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