I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
