Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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