Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize