Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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