dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
