omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
please don't ironically join a cult
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