We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
