my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just google imaged poop.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
