guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
His nipple licking is glorious
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
